Dr. Erin Olivo and Elaine Sanders

Expert: Dr. Erin Olivo

Clinical psychologist and author of Wise Mind Living: Master Your Emotions, Transform Your Life

Expert: Elaine Sanders

Certified life coach, stress consultant and the co-founder of The Stress Experts

Q: How can someone best start their day? What should their interior dialogue sound like?

ERIN OLIVO: Set intentions for what you want to accomplish, and be rested and fed. You handle stress better when you’re healthy. Eat a balanced diet, get enough sleep and exercise. Support your body so you can decrease vulnerabilities to stress.

ELAINE SANDERS: Internal dialogue must rise above “positive” or “negative” to a higher perspective that’s real and freeing. Realize that whatever happens, you’ll be OK. Then the problems that come up don’t seem so big.

Q: What can be done to keep stress levels low?

EO: Stress comes from an emotion. Identifying the emotion decreases the symptoms associated with it. It doesn’t make them go away, but it helps. If you label it, you can figure out how to manage it.

ES: Stressors are life’s challenges, while stress is your negative response to them. You can’t always control the situation, but you can control your response. Become aware of all negative emotional reactions throughout the day. Then transform them into contentment, appreciation, forgiveness, peace and calm.

Q: How can someone deal effectively with stress?

EO: For 60 seconds, inhale normally through the nose and exhale through the mouth for a little longer than usual. Then focus on the good things that happened that day. We often catastrophize the negative and discount the positive.

Q: Many crises are outside our control. How can that be expressed rationally to a client without passing blame?

EO: Acknowledge their feelings first. If you say “There’s no reason to get upset,” it invalidates their feelings. Instead, say, “I hear you. Let me explain what happened and how it was out of everyone’s control. But we will figure it out.” Validate, acknowledge, give them the facts and figure out a solution. This isn’t easy because you’re feeling blamed and you want to yell back. But sincerely and authentically validate them. It works, but it takes practice.

ES: Get out of defensiveness and frustration, and activate compassion and sincerity. Speak from the heart in a genuine tone. Repeat back the essence of what they say. Your customer will feel valued and comfortable, and you’ll come to solutions more easily.

Q: How do I prevent stress from affecting future client interactions?

ES: The situation didn’t reach inside you and rattle you. Your emotions are your own, so you can take charge. Lovingly but firmly, tell yourself that you can’t linger on these negative emotions. Lead yourself back to appreciation, compassion and forgiveness. The past is the past. Take care of your emotions in the present moment and get yourself back on track.